freedom

The smells of roses today seems bittersweet. Just a few days ago, I took the time to look at them and so I decided to pluck one off the rosebush and take in the scent. It smelled sweetly pleasant but it wasn't lasting or strong enough - at least not for me.

Life might bring many adversities onto mankind but love has brought many pains to me. I let the pain define me and maybe that is why, I see pain like a dog on a scent's trail. But it also sticks to me like a curse, because somehow there is a black hole inside of me and it pulls and seeps in those painful feelings from others and imprints them in my memory. No man or woman, should be put through such a torment. For having to bear with one's own painful memories is burden enough, but to feel and remember to pains of everyone else is the road down to a painful, godless martyrdom.

There is no release for me. Or maybe there is, but it is only those few moments in my lamenting life that I manage the strength to muster some hope. I fear that soon, my greatest hope will be my own undoing. That pathway lays open for me everyday, but I wish not to inflict more pain upon my loved ones than I already am - or should.

And when i lay down in my secret place

i dream of you like as more than a fleeting glance

but it is all a dream for the later days

and dreams keep me moving on

but they also bring me down

for in secret i am burning

like a gleeful prisoner that finds freedom

for i wish to be free

of my prison of solitude

and in my secret prayer

i pray to not be dreaming

that you come to set me free